9 things I hate about hotels

Quite a few of my posts are free but every paid subscriber I have on Substack helps keep this newsletter going. Paid subscribers have access to all posts. A subscription is typically less than a monthly coffee at a cafe, so please consider subscribing if you can. And every like or shared post helps the Substack algorithm to show my writing to a few more people.

Check-in and check-out times

There was a time when check-in was typically around 2pm and check-out at noon. This window between the two has grown larger and larger, and now it is common to be told to leave as early as 10am and not to arrive until 4pm. Obviously, the hotel needs to schedule the cleaning of rooms, but five or six hours is a pretty big slice of the day. Especially if you’re moving from one hotel to another and have to kill time while in custody of your luggage before you can check in again. Or arrived late and want to sleep in.

Locked windows

Quite a number of hotels, such as many from the Premier Inn and Travelodge British budget hotel chains, do not allow you to open the windows, even a smidgeon. Hotels argue that this is to stop intruders, curb any guests’ suicidal tendencies or, most commonly, to maintain climate control. Yet air conditioning systems are no substitute for fresh air: the rooms invariably become stagnant and pollutants build up. There’s typically a stale smell, or a strong smell of cleaning chemicals, when you enter the room. Even worse, badly maintained air conditioning and heating systems can become contaminated with harmful bacteria or fungal spores, spreading such things like respiratory tract infections like the common cold, flu, tonsillitis and coughs, as well as Legionnaire’s disease, black mould and more. It’s just such a dumb idea.

Not enough furniture in a double room

Surprisingly often there will be just one chair in a double room for two people.

Not being told the wifi code

Fortunately more and more hotels don’t require a wifi code you need Bletchley Park to decipher, and let you just get online with one click. But when the hotel doesn’t tell you the wifi password when you check in and there’s no indication of it in your room, it’s really tiresome if its a long way to your room, you’ve struggled with all your luggage up stairs and along long corridors or in torturously slow lifts, tired after a long journey, and find you have to go all the way back down to reception again for that blessed wifi code. Even worse is when you get the code and it still doesn’t work because you have to also key in your room number and reception hasn’t added your name to the system yet. Or when you’re asked for your name and there’s no indication whether it’s your first name, surname or whole name. Sometimes I’ve been given wifi passwords that were incorrect, wasting even more time.

Having luggage delivered to your room

In posher hotels it should be a bit of a treat to have your luggage delivered to your room after you arrive. However, there can often be a long wait for it to reach you, especially if you are in a large tour group. And if you’re in a hurry for your luggage, that can be tiresome. At the last hotel I was at where having luggage brought to the room was offered, some travelling companions then had their luggage go astray.

I usually therefore say I’ll take the luggage up myself, which some hotels really hate as it’s not a good look with one of the punters dragging suitcases and bags along a corridor when their impeccably uniformed staff can bring it in an elegant trolley. And bellhops and porters often don’t welcome it either as if too many people do that they’ll be out of a job, and it’s also a lost opportunity to get a tip.

Not enough coat hangers

The other day I stayed in a hotel where just two coat hangers were provided. At least they were proper hangers and not those pesky ones that come apart, to put you off stealing them. That type make it more difficult to hangs things up, and also helps promote an air of tackiness. Also, I’m not a thief, so why treat me as if I were?

Ineffective curtains

I recently visited Greenland, which currently has 24-hour daylight. So it was a surprise to find that the majority of hotels provided curtains that did not black out the light effectively, either for being too small or because the material used was too thin. I stayed at one hotel that didn’t provide curtains at all. Its printed notes in the room actually said that the views were so beautiful it wanted guests to enjoy them the whole time. It thoughtfully said reception could provide eye masks if required - but at a £25 charge, which was cheeky beyond belief.

Cushions on your bed

Those superfluous cushions they insist on putting on your bed may look nice and colourful when they’re preparing marketing photographs and when you walk in, but they most likely haven’t been washed in months and the last thing you want is these festering disease vectors placed on top of your pillow. Especially in small rooms you’ll probably have to put them on the floor - only for housekeeping to place them right back on your pillow again the next day.

- What are your top hotel bugbears?